Every now and then, a conversation sticks with you. Yesterday, I was speaking with a leader who recently stepped into a high-profile role. She shared a moment that would’ve rattled most people: Someone publicly insulted her - to her face, completely unaware of who she is or the position she holds.

She told me how she handled it. Calm. Controlled. No flare-ups. No fire returned. Just steady leadership. And as she spoke, I found myself nodding, because every leader - especially those stepping into unfamiliar territory, will face moments like this.

Here’s the Truth

People will say things that are off, condescending, misinformed, or just plain disrespectful. Sometimes it’s the tone. Sometimes it’s the words. Sometimes it’s their need to define you before you ever get a chance to define yourself.

And sometimes, let’s be honest — it’s simply ignorance. They have no idea who you are, what you represent, or what you’ve walked through to get to where you are.

But here’s the part that matters:

You don’t need them to know who you are in order to show them who you are.

Too often, people will bait you, intentionally or not — and try to drag you down into the mud. And if you let them? Well, fighting in the mud only guarantees one thing: you’ll both come out dirty. That’s why the old saying still holds up:

When they go low, we go high.

Not because we’re being noble for the sake of nobility…but because we refuse to give someone else control over our state of mind.

One of the most powerful leadership lessons I’ve learned was reinforced by this story.

We don’t react. We respond - and there’s a world of difference between the two.

 A reaction is emotional. Instant. Unfiltered, a response is intentional. Measured. Purposeful.

 A reaction comes from the wound; a response comes from the wisdom.

Leadership isn’t just about strategy, vision, or decision-making. It’s about learning to stand in the heat of the moment without letting the moment dictate who you become.

Here’s the thing

As you rise, these moments don’t disappear — they multiply. You’ll meet people who underestimate you, project onto you, or try to put you in a box they feel comfortable with. Don’t take the bait. Don’t let their insecurities become your energy source.

You’re not there to match their tone. You’re there to model a higher standard.

Remember that every interaction gives you a chance to show people who you are — even those who have no idea to whom they’re talking. Sometimes the strongest move you can make…is simply not to get triggered.

At the end of the day, your leadership will be defined far more by the moments you controlled yourself than the moments you controlled others.

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